Anyone who’s been in a relationship is familiar with the usual disputes – how to load the dishwasher, forgotten laundry on the floor, perceived imbalance in childrearing responsibilities, or excessive focus on hobbies. However, when these disagreements become a regular occurrence, it’s worth taking a closer look. Anna Nguyen, MA, LMFT, program manager of Behavioral Health & Primary Care Integration for Providence in Orange County, Calif., reveals that the frequency of these patterns of behavior can have a significant impact on a relationship over time.
Disagreements that can signal trouble
While disagreements are a part of any relationship, being aware of certain conflicts can help in maintaining a healthy relationship. Here are three common areas of disagreement that could be cause for concern:
- Money conflict: According to Andie Hollowell, LMFT, chief growth officer at Lightfully Behavioral Health, money-related conversations often lead to major tension. As per Fidelity’s 2024 Couples & Money Study, about 25% of respondents resent being left out of financial decisions, and more than half disagree on how much money they need for retirement.
- Parenting problems: Hollowell points out that parenting styles can often clash in relationships, leading to disagreements on discipline, education, or screentime limits. This can escalate into patterns that exhaust parents and confuse kids.
- Verbal attacks: If disagreements turn into personal attacks, it’s a red flag, according to Nguyen. Instead of lashing out with hurtful words, it’s healthier to focus on the behavior that needs to change.
The importance of effective communication
Resolving conflicts in a relationship often boils down to effective communication. As Katherine M. Hertlein, PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Professor at Wright State University, advises, it’s important for couples to understand what they’re trying to communicate when they take a certain position on a topic. Identifying the root cause of disagreements – perceived neglect or a perceived lack of control – can help couples catch themselves in arguments sooner.
If conflicts persist, seeking the guidance of an experienced couples therapist can be beneficial. Remember, disagreements are a part of any relationship, but being aware of certain patterns of behavior and knowing when to seek help can make a significant difference.
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