When discussing the intricacies of marriage and divorce, Marilyn Chinitz, with her impressive 38 years of marriage and her professional stature as a matrimonial and family lawyer in New York at Blank Rome, brings a wealth of experience. Besides guiding couples through thorny legal issues, she also shares her insights on how to maintain a healthy, durable marriage in a world where, according to statistics, the average American marriage lasts only eight years, and about 40% of first marriages end in divorce.
Why Marriages Fail: A Professional Insight
Various factors contribute to a marriage’s downfall, according to Chinitz. “A lot of couples have a problem that is fixable. But if you have many problems, then the house of cards falls, and that’s when people get divorced,” she explains. Trigger points often include a complete breakdown of communication, loss of interest, mistrust, or controlling behavior. When these issues accumulate, they often become overwhelming, leading to the end of the marriage.
Five Keys to a Lasting, Loving Marriage
Chinitz offers practical advice distilled from her personal and professional experiences to help couples build stronger, lasting marriages. Here are her five key points:
- Find the positives in everything: She encourages a positive outlook, even in challenging times. Counting your blessings rather than focusing on the negatives can contribute greatly to the longevity of a marriage.
- Communicate clearly, not (too) emotionally: Clear, calm communication is fundamental. Chinitz recommends communicating with your partner as she would in her professional setting – without raising her voice, allowing emotions to take over, and focusing on the matter at hand.
- Celebrate love and have fun together: A marriage should not be all work and no play. Make time to celebrate your love and have fun together. Whether it’s trying a new restaurant or visiting a different museum, keeping the relationship fresh and exciting is crucial.
- Maintain independence: While it’s essential to share experiences, it’s equally important to maintain individual interests and activities. This allows each person to bring something new to the relationship, sparking greater dialogue and understanding.
- Remember you can only control what you can control: The way you react to one another and how you spend your time is within your control. Keeping this perspective in mind during challenging times can be key to a long, loving marriage.
In conclusion, the secret to a lasting, loving marriage does not lie in avoiding problems but in how couples navigate through them. Chinitz’s advice provides a blueprint for couples, whether they’re just starting their journey or seeking to strengthen their bond. The key takeaway is the importance of maintaining a balance between togetherness and individuality, celebrating love, and effectively communicating while keeping a positive perspective.
