Childhood anxiety disorders can affect as many as one in eight kids, making it a common issue for many families. Despite its prevalence, childhood anxiety disorders are often overlooked, leaving many parents feeling unprepared and even helpless when handling an anxious child.
According to Tyanna Snider, PsyD, a pediatric psychologist with Nationwide Children’s Hospital, kids with anxiety disorders often display clingy behavior, have difficulty doing things independently, and can have angry outbursts. “It can impact the entire family.” Parents face the difficult task of setting boundaries for a child while also validating their emotions, Snider explains.
Psychologists regularly assist kids with anxiety disorders, and part of the treatment involves teaching families how to respond to symptoms of the condition. While parenting a child with an anxiety disorder is never easy, experts have developed tools to make living with an anxious child a little more manageable. Here are some recommendations they suggest for parents of kids with anxiety disorders.
Anxiety can look like behavioral issues
While tantrums are common in all kids of a certain age, they can also appear in children with anxiety disorders. “Anxiety can manifest as yelling or fighting you on something,” says Thea Gallagher, PsyD, a clinical assistant professor at NYU Langone Health and a cohost of the Mind in View podcast. “Sometimes it can be difficult to figure out if this is normal kid behavior or if it’s caused by something bigger or deeper.”
These tantrums, Snider explains, “might be really hard for the child with anxiety to control, but it’s still really important to set limits and have boundaries,”. It’s essential not to attribute a temper tantrum solely to your child’s anxiety and assume there’s nothing you can do about it. Snider recommends reminding them of rules and expectations, and that there are consequences for not adhering to them. “You still need to provide discipline and consequences in a matter of fact way,” she advises.
It’s important to acknowledge your child’s feelings
Recognizing your child’s emotions is a crucial step when they’re upset, explains Izabela Milaniak, PhD, a licensed psychologist in the Anxiety Behaviors Clinic within the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. She recommends practicing something called “developmental empathy,” which involves not dismissing worries that may feel significant for your child’s age. “A child’s worry may seem silly to an adult, but it is proportional to their world,” she says.
Gallagher adds that “feelings are always real,” even if you don’t understand why your child is having them in a particular moment. “We can always acknowledge how awful anxiety can feel,” she says. Gallagher recommends talking to your child about “bossing back the anxiety,” emphasizing that they can control their emotions and not let anxiety take over.
Staying calm is crucial
It’s crucial to try and stay level-headed with your child, says Ammon. Gallagher agrees, emphasizing the importance of staying calm. “If you can, stay as calm as possible,” she advises. “If you’re in a crisis situation and someone else starts freaking out, your fight or flight response is going to react to that, too,” she says. If you find you’re struggling to stay calm when your child is elevated, consider talking to their therapist for tools you can use or considering therapy for yourself.
Sometimes you have to let them ride the wave of anxiety
When your child is highly anxious, it can be difficult to bring them down, says Snider. “If your child is at peak anxiety—a 10 out of 10—sometimes we need to ride that wave,” she says. This can involve being there for your child, hugging them, or giving them space to be alone until they calm down.
Don’t completely avoid the things that cause your child’s anxiety
While it may seem instinctive to shield your child from things that trigger their anxiety, experts say this can exacerbate the problem. Hillary Ammon, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Center For Anxiety & Women’s Emotional Wellness, explains, “You may have the instinct to protect them and allow them to avoid whatever is causing them to feel fear or anxiety. Unfortunately, this decision to aid them in escaping sometimes exacerbates those fears for the child.”
Highlight the good stuff, too
Despite the challenges, it’s important to praise your child when they’re doing well. “Highlight it when things are going well—don’t just focus on the things that didn’t go well,” Gallagher suggests. Snider adds, “You still want to do typical parenting and let them know that you’re proud of them,”.
Remember, as a parent or caregiver, you’re doing your best. “Oftentimes, parents of children with anxiety are really stressed, frustrated, and unsure of what to do next,” Snider says. “But it’s important to remind yourself that you’re a good parent and caregiver, even if things don’t feel like they’re going well at that moment.”
